To Leave, Lose, and Gain

The house has been a bit dramatic lately, it's as if I'm leaving already. Everytime they'd start becoming all sentimental on me, I'd remind them it's not for 4 months yet. But they'd still manage to make me feel somewhat guilty for leaving them. And for such a looong time too~

My mom would go tell me the things I'd have to buy, what I should pack, where to go, when to do stuff, how to do this and that, etcetera. She's even started packing bags of thingies for me; packs of tissue, detergents, laundry stuff, toothpaste/brush, shampoo saches, and other who-knows-what. And I'm not sure if it was intentional, but she placed the suitcases and stroller on top of the staircase so that everytime we go up, we're reminded that there won't be a family of 4 in the house anymore.

Even my dad is doing his share of emotional nudges. He would bring me food and ask me if there will be someone who'll ever do that to me in Japan. Whenever I ride in the car he'd say that there will come a time when he would go to the office alone, without me in the passenger seat anymore. That everytime he'd hear one of the Jap songs I've scattered all over the house (and each of the car), he would be reminded of me. And my mom even told me that my dad would not take me to the airport... he won't be able to see me go. To see me get on that plane and leave everyone; it would be just too much for him. *sob*

Yes, I will miss the hugs, the cold milk, the rare massages, and the constant bickering my parents give me. And I know that I have and will still sacrifice a lot just to achieve my dream. It is still some 100+ odd days from now, but already I can feel the tension of stretching that rope that bounded me to my family. I promised to email everyday, to install a webcam and a mic, to be with them (as much as I can), even if not physically.

But nothing can compare to the real touch, their presence, and the care I've felt during all these 21 years I've spent with my family. When I'd sit in front of the PC and hear the floorboards creak when they enter the room and remind me that I've been on for too long, when I would sleep an extra minute more and my mom would touch my forehead saying that I should probably wake up already, when I'd doze while watching TV and my dad would startle me with a glass of ice cold milk, or when my mom would suddenly request a kiss from me.

Oh all right, my brother deserves to be mentioned here too: I'll miss his jokes (were they?), the nonsense questions he'd ask out of nowhere, the songs he'd forcefully make me listen to, the bodybuilding routines he made me do (and somewhat regret), the absurdly short patience he has, the shirts he'd buy and make me wear (which I kinda liked by the way), the remarks whenever we eat something that's not so healthy, the criticisms he'd make for just about everything everytime, or just the way he ignores me. He's a Master Ignorer, and both my parents agree.

Once I leave for Japan (darnation, I feel like tearing up), I'm sure I'd always look for something to distract me from missing my family. I know it's really impossible to do so, but I don't think I could sleep, eat or walk if I'm in a constant grief of separation. I love them so much, I'll miss them greatly, and will always be a part of the family.

I would still be the younger brother who throws hot chocolate on your head, listen to your nonsense, debate with you and not laugh at your jokes. The son who stays on the PC for hours, refuses to sleep early, and gives you a hug and a kiss. The child who had a monkey stuffed-toy, wore a red jumper, and kept on breaking precious glass things.

I would still be me. Only, I'll be somewhere else where I should've been. I'd be in Japan.