In a Single Heartsink

You know that feeling when something super drastic happened and you slowly wait for the feeling to "sink-in" and then WHAM! Your breath leaves your lungs, you forget everything around you, and you get absorbed into the moment, because your brain suddenly started processing what has happened and you realize just how much your life has now changed forever? (a solid "OH MY GOD" + hands clasped over mouth = pretty much sums it up)


Imagine it happening for a single heartbeat, much like a heartburn. And before you can grab hold of it, it's gone. You're left with an aftertaste of excitement, anxiousness, and anticipation of things to come.

I decided to coin that millisecond emotion into a word: heartsink.

Whenever I go home, my bus zooms through the expressway and along the route, we pass by the airport. The wall's pretty high so you can't see anything actually. But there was this one time when I decided to look, and a flash from one of the "airplane-signalling lightpost" made me blink.

The moment I closed my eyes, my heart let out this gargantuan THUMP! and then everything seemed to stand still. The feeling I knew was hiding from me back when I got accepted for the Japan job suddenly got out. The emotion of doubt mixed with relief, the happiness caused by the thought of finally achieving a dream, and the grief of leaving your family, loved ones, and friends behind, all swooped down and probably scared my soul out of my body.

"It's finally happening..."

I opened my eyes, my blink was over. And then it was gone. I was back in the bus with the throng of tired people going home for the day. In a single heartsink, I had a taste of what I was going to feel the day I'm leaving for Japan.

*exhales*